For breakfast to be called ‘in bed’ instead of ‘on top of a bed,’ the house in which it is about to be eaten has to have at least two rooms (excluding the kitchen); (at least) three, if it has a bathroom.

One of the main functions of a push-up bra is to lower the number of mothers who seem like mothers.

I used to think that size does not count, until I realized that most people either find other people’s faeces more disgusting than a bird’s droppings, or they do not find the latter disgusting at all.

There probably was a time when the idea of having a toilet inside a house was repulsive.

Most people would rather eat inside a windowless room in which they have just defecated than eat inside one in which someone else has just farted, even if the room does not have a toilet.

Passing their toilet training is the very last thing that some adults did that has made their parents proud of them.