286 Quotes About Funny-but-true

If a religious book makes you harbor ill thoughts about those with differing faith, then, you're reading the wrong crap of late.

People are either silly asses, or ass*oles. Mostly, just silly ass*oles. Choose! Hard place, or hell hole!

First of all, no messiahs are sent. Secondly, no messiah got it. Lastly, no messiah is. And if there ever was or is, maybe I too am it. As too is every dimwit.

By(e) pen, I've tried my hand at poetry; only to see how boring it is to me. That is, unless I get a chance to destroy each and every piece while doing it as I please.

Never lie in bed at night asking yourself questions you can't answer.

Sometimes I shock myself with the smart I say & do. Then there are times where I try to get out of the car with my seat belt still on.

Then they have the audacity to go shopping and pick out their own gifts. I want to know who the first person was who said this was okay. After spending all that money on a bachelorette weekend, a shower, and often a flight across the country, they expect you to go to Williams Sonoma or Pottery Barn and do research? Then they send you a thank-you note applauding you for such a thoughtful gift. They're the one who picked it out!

Some people looove to feel offended because it makes them feel important. When your only tool is a hammer, suddenly every problem starts to look like a nail. And when the only time you feel relevant is when you claim to be offended, suddenly everything looks offensive.

NOTHING TO DO BUT ALWAYS BUSY