5,226 Quotes About Humour

I don’t know why Kate was trying to impress him, as far as I could see the guy had all the allure and social grace of a psychotic slug with halitosis and a bad head cold.

And how should we behave during this Apocalypse? We should be unusually kind to one another, certainly. But we should also stop being so serious. Jokes help a lot. And get a dog, if you don't already have one.

I do not have a problem with people killing themselves, as long as they took at least a hundred years to think about what they are about to do.

It is said "Barking dogs seldom bite".......Unfortunately many dogs do not know this proverb!

Not everyone who has killed themselves because they were HIV positive would have been killed by AIDS.

Some people are still alive only because they find being dead more boring than being alive.

I have no doubt that you could have flung bricks by the hour in England's most densely populated districts without endangering the safety of a single girl capable of becoming Mrs. Augustus Fink-Nottle without an anaesthetic.

For a sane person to sincerely be happy that someone has succeeded, they have to either be profiting or likely to profit from that person’s success, or be that person.

With the possible exception of clothes, beauty salons and Frank Sinatra, there are few subjects all women agree upon.